TRUTH: DREAMER OF DREAMS
by Jaderising
Summary: [companion to TRUTH: ALL FOR LOVE] RL/SB slash. During their 7th year, Snape will discover more secret of the marauders, especially Remus. Warning: more than kissing in this story.


Truth: Dreamer of Dreams 

During 7th year.

Remus Lupin felt nothing, as his own dark world slowly faded away into the real darkness, of the real world.  There was no pain or the feeling of despair he had felt before. His body didn't felt like his own.  There was a sense of dullness and numbness as he slowly raised his body from his big and comfortable bed.  The deep dark red velvet curtains were drawn and hid the outside view from his dark warm spot, making his little space seemed safe and yet lonely.  His white sheets and warm blankets were comforting him back to his reality. He was half glad that it had happened in his bed, and not some hallways. Or did it?  His friends might have carried him here to sleep… Remus could never remember it whenever it happens…

He touched his pale forehead with his cold hands. His sleep induced body was burning up, but his hands were always so, so cold. Even in the middle of summer, his hands and feet would never be warm enough for him, and it was much worse when the weather was truly cold, such as this morning.  He peeked out of his deep red curtains to see if others were awake as well.  Much to his relief, nobody seemed to be awake in this early morning.

Slowly and quietly, he slid out of his big bed and slipped onto his night robe and his slippers. He knew it was too early for the sun to rise, but he couldn't stay inside any longer when he couldn't feel his own body.  He needed to feel that he was alive and not dead. He wanted to feel like a boy again, and not a mindless monster that lies inside him.

He quietly climbed out of a keyhole as the portrait of Fat Lady swung open for him. The Fat Lady complained a little that he had awaken her so early, but she quickly went back to sleep.  He hid his slippers under the feet of an armored knight.  He didn't want his slippers getting wet or dirty by the snow that was mounting outside.

Then he ran quietly toward spinal stairs, toward freezing air.  He didn't stop his fast pace until he saw the frozen lake. He breathed in the cold air and let out his hot breath.  He touched the frozen ice with his bare hands, his frozen fingers slipping against the smoothness of cold ice.

His hands were so pale and blue, yet he did not shiver, as he should have if he was a normal boy, instead he smiled to himself.  He felt the pain of icy air attacking his bare hand and for the first time since he woke, he felt _alive.  He pulled up his sleeves and let his thin and scar covered arms feel the chilled air too, and soon his hidden days-old scars started to bleed again, wetting the hard and emotionless snowed ground with shocking red. Remus sat down on the ground, just letting his body feel whatever his soul could not. His eyes were closed and he breathed in the piercing air, making his lung to cry out in protest. When he opened his eyes again, his bleeding had stopped, only leaving traces of dark frozen redness._

Remus had a nightmare, that much he knew for sure.  Sometimes, Remus saw a face of a woman, which he believed was his mum. She was beautiful and always had a gentle smile on her face. Sometimes a man would come into his view and the man would pick him up and toss him into the air.  Remus believed that the man was his father, and it was one of his memories of his parents. But always just before he woke up, he dreamed about darkness and groaning and moaning.

Just the darkness and the sound. Remus lied helpless, as someone always too big and heavy would be on top of him, covering him, choking him, smothering him. But as he reach the end of his nightly nightmare, his body would go numb as if he had been just waken from his deep and trouble-free sleep. And the enemy would groan out loud near his ear.

_Mine. Mine._

Remus would awake, feeling like nothing, nothing like himself.

"What are you doing out here?"

A sudden voice brought Remus back to reality.  He blinked his eyes trying to focus on the person in front of him, but found he was unable to do so.

"Who-who are you?" Remus finally managed to say, just above a whisper level. His throat was rough and tough, making him hard to swallow. The voice seemed to come from very far away, but Remus' wolf instinct told him that the person was right in front of him.

Remus winced a bit when the person scoffed and snatched up his arm and examining the wounds.

"You really should have your head examine, Lupin." 

"Sev-Severus?" It was indeed Severus Snape by the sound of his scoffing again.

"What in the bloody Mary were you thinking? Going out alone in this weather wearing…that!" Snape never liked any Griffindors, especially Potter and Black.  But he could never bring himself to hate Lupin. Always so quiet, gentle and so bloody nice to everyone, which made him want to test Lupin to see when he would crack that gentle façade whenever he had his chance.

Remus pulled his arm back from Snape's grasp, and huddled his body. His blurry eyes closed.  He then heard the sound of Snape sitting down in front of him, and Remus opened his eyes.  His dark eyes were fixed on Lupin's golden eyes. Remus saw a hint of concern in the dark eyes, but he shook off the idea, when he saw Snape's usual sneer again.

"I couldn't sleep." Remus said in his usual quiet manner.

"Where are your mums?" Remus saw Snape's lips hardening as he mentioned his best friends, Sirius, James and Peter. "I thought you Griffendors are stuck to each other's waists. Always causing troubles that they get away with." Neither one noticed that Snape did not include Remus in that sentence.

In normal days, Remus would have made a comment to depend his friends, but he did not have his strength nor the will to go up against a Slytherine's usual harsh verbal attacks. Remus simply made a move to get up, but his vision faltered again.  Before he could fall down to the hard frozen ground, he felt Snape's warm hands holding him tight.

Remus' eyes began to fill up with unexpected tears as Snape lowered him to the ground safely.

"Uhh…you all right, Lupin?" Snape's voice was uncharacteristically concerned.  Snape put his hand on Lupin's shoulder trying to calm the boy.

Lupin sniffed and nodded. For the first time he had felt the warmth since he had waken up.  

"What have you done to yourself? Trying to hurt your own body isn't very smart. Is it…a werewolf thing?" Remus saw that Snape was looking at his wounds on his arms again.  Lupin wanted to run away, but his legs would not listen to him.  He could feel that he was slipping away again. He heard the faint cries of Snape, but that too was silenced soon.

"Lupin!" Snape shook the boy frantically. Remus' eyes rolled up and he just fell flat against Snape's chest and fainted. "Remus!" 

~~~~~~~ 

Remus turned his eyes toward the Forbidden Forest. Something was out there. Remus sniffed the air. And did it again. The snowflakes were piling up on his shoulder and head, but he did not notice the cold. _Someone was out there._

Remus opened his mouth to breath and the cold morning air made his air to look like a smoky white air as they came out. His lips were blue and chopped by the chills and his bare feet were almost hidden by the pure white snow. With his pale eyes focused on the Forbidden Forrest, he began to run.  His shoulder length hair moved against the wind. He did not stop until the total darkness of the forest pooled around him.  Remus could see clearly through the darkness. 

He was here. The faceless enemy, the beast.

_Mine._

With that Remus jerked awake.

A hand touched his shoulder and gently pushed him back down to the bed.

"Lie down, love.  You gave such a start to Mr. Snape. Thank god, he found you when he did." It was Madame Pomfrey.  "You could have been frozen to death, child. I've taken care of your arms and feet.  How do you feel?"

"I feel all right," Remus said softly as he looked at his bandaged arms.

"Oh, dear, you will be alright. You had a long rest this time.  Almost eight hours."

"Eight hours!" Remus got up again, he was late for….

"Now dear, today is Saturday. No classes." Madame Pomfrey pushed him gently again.

Remus sighed and lied back down.

"I am going to give you some chocolate, and I want you to finish all of it before you go back to your dorm."

Remus nodded and began to eat little bits of them.  He had never been out for more than six hours before. His condition was not getting better, but worse.  A year before Mr. Stafford died, he had learned that he had Narcolepsy.  Madame Pomfrey had been very kind to him in explaining why Remus kept on losing track of times.  Remus' condition was triggered by imbalance in his brain chemicals. There was no cure, just like there was no cure for werewolf bites. 

Remus was almost finished with his chocolates, when he heard Madame Pomfrey's voice.

"Now, lads, just take it easy on him.  He can go with you, when he's done with his chocolates."

Remus smiled faintly when he heard enthusiastic agreements of his friends as he got to his feet.

"Madame Pomfrey?" Remus peeked out from his curtain to faces of his best friends, James, Peter and Sirius, looking back at him.

"I finished my chocolates, may I go now?"

Madame Pomfrey looked at Remus' face to see any signs of illness, when she was satisfied; she nodded and showed them to the door.

"Moony? How do you feel?" Peter asked uncertainly as they walked to Griffindor dorm.  But before Remus could answer, Sirius hugged him tight, followed by James, then Peter.

When they let him go, Sirius barked.  "What in the world were you thinking? Going out alone in this freezing weather like that! You almost gave me a heart attack! And what could have happen if that Slytherin wasn't walking by!"  

"I'm sorry, Padfoot. I wasn't thinking…"

"Of course, you weren't thinking! You should think about how others would feel because of your action." With that Sirius stumped off alone. Peter ran after him a short second after.

When James saw that Remus was looking down at his feet, he put his hand on Remus' shoulder.  "You really scared the heck out of us, Moony. Really scared Padfoot." James hugged Remus again.  "He's just mad that Snape found you and not him. He'll cool down by dinner."

Remus nodded sadly.  "I really didn't think it could happen today."

"You could not have known it, Moony. And don't worry about Snape.  He didn't say anything at the breakfast to anyone about it."

"He didn't?"

"No.  Which is good. Good for us.  Maybe Professor Dumbledore said something to him. So far nobody else knows about your narcolepsy.  Maybe Snape finally got it in his thick greasy head that you are harmless after all."

Remus breathed out in relief.  It was bad enough to be a werewolf once a month, but having a narcolepsy was entirely different challenge. Both boys slowly ascended to their dorm. Neither one noticed a pair of icy eyes watching them from behind.

~~~~~~

During the dinner, Remus kept quiet while other students were buzzing around the table. Sirius was not there, neither was Lily. Remus did not feel like eating any more, and he aimlessly pushed his food to the side then to the other, and back again. His eyes roamed around the Great Hall, until it met Severus Snape's eyes.  Both of them did not break their contacts for what felt like an eternity to Remus. 

Remus lowered his eyes, then back up at Snape again.  Snape was still staring at Remus with unreadable expression. Remus did not sense any hostility, which encouraged him to mouth thank you to Snape. To his surprise, Snape nodded back, then looked away quickly.  At that moment, Remus felt a presence behind him, and turned his head.  It was Sirius.  Remus knew instinctively what he wanted, and followed Sirius quietly out. Remus looked back toward Snape again before he left the Great Hall, but Snape was no longer there.

"I am sorry to yell at you like that, Moony."  Sirius apologized as soon as they came back to their dorm. 

"It's okay.  I deserved it. I didn't mean…"

"Mean to scare anyone. I know, Moony. I know.  It's just that I…." Sirius let out a frustrated sigh.  "I don't want to see you get hurt. I know that you can't help the condition, but I really wish there was something I can do. I was not angry at you." He looked at Remus with sorrowful eyes that Remus never witnessed before.  "I was angry at myself for being so damn stupid." Sirius set on his bed defeated.

"What do you mean?" With surprised voice, Remus asked, moving in front of Sirius.

"They say there is no cure for narcolepsy, but…but there must be something to help to control the symptom. I wish I could do something. _Anything."_

Remus sighed.  "Padfoot, you know there is nothing you can do. You can't always be with me to catch me when I fall asleep. You have done more than I can imagine for past years. And I am all right, aren't I?"

Remus reached and patted Sirius' arm. Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him into his arms, making Remus fall into the bed on top of him, and Sirius gently kissed him. His hands holding Remus tight and close to him, as if Remus would vanish if he let go of him, he hugged him tight.

"Sirius," Remus moaned against his lips, but Sirius didn't want to loose the contact of Remus' sweet lips. Sirius brought his hands to back of Remus' light brown hair and pushed his lips again.

"Don't speak," Sirius murmured against his lover as he sucked on the sweet red lips hungrily. His hands roamed over the much thinner body than his own, and tugged off the tattered black robe, revealing Remus' pale body. Sirius flipped Remus gently down on the bed, and after stripping his own cloths; he closed the deep dark red velvet curtains around the bed, hiding them from the outside. 

Sirius kissed his lover again and again, making Remus' pale face flushed with red desire. He kissed the pale chest gently, but he sucked Remus' nipples thoroughly, rewarded by the moaning from Remus.  Sirius could feel the stirrings in his private.  His hands cupped Remus' now flushed face gently, and he kissed him again, but this time it was more urgent and more powerful.  His right hand roamed the pale body again, and he trailed it downward, until he found what he was looking for.  

Remus moaned against him, as Sirius pumped his hand against Remus' private, never breaking their kiss.  Sirius moved his body on top of Remus, grinding and moaning. Soon Sirius could not take it any longer, and he pushed himself in, holding Remus possessively in his arms. He moved rhythmically and powerfully, rocking his bed.  When he was close, Sirius searched for Remus' lips again, and sucked on them until he came inside Remus and felt his lover come also against him.  Still inside Remus, Sirius could feel the racing hearts of Remus and his own, and he did not let go, until they slowed down enough for them to catch their breaths.  Sirius looked deep into Remus' blazing golden eyes, the cool gray around his iris was almost replaced entirely by the deep golden desire.

"God, I love you, Remmy," Sirius whispered. In response, his lips were captured by moisten lips of his lover, making a tremor go down to his private again. Remus felt a hardness pressing inside him, expending him again, and he gently rocked his hips along with contracting the place.  Sirius felt like he would come again in any moment.  Remus was so warm and tight and perfect.  He began to pump inside and out on top of Remus.  

Suddenly, Sirius thought of Snape and how Snape stared at his Remus in the Great Hall and how he would have carried his lover to the hospital wing this morning.  He need to mark Remus as his, and he wanted to feel that Remus was his and no one else's, especially not Severus Snape's.   He moved faster and faster, until they both cried out loud and were utterly spent.   He lied down next to sleepy Remus, and held him tight, trying to push the idea of Snape touching Remus in lover's way.  After Remus had fallen asleep, Sirius stared at his beautiful lover.  Kissing his forehead, Sirius murmured, "Mine."


End file.
